Friday, November 25, 2005

My marriage, part one

I know that much of this is going to sound like I'm whining but I'm really trying to be as objective as possible and just state the facts. Maybe some of you readers can come up with advice on how I should deal with this. If you don't want to read about my marriage then you should stop reading now. If you can't stand some mature content, stop reading. Period.

Oh, this post will, due to me spewing words, probably be very long and, if so, be divided in several parts. And there will be no pictures.

Last chance to stop reading this.

When I met my wife, RedHead, I had been single for almost four years, with the exception of the occasional one-night-stander, few and far between. The summer of 1985, Tina, the woman that I still love very much, broke up with me. I never got any good explanation of why, but she is still one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I had met RedHead on a previous occasion, shortly after Tina and I had broken up. My older baby sister was throwing a party and wanted me to come over. We met outside the local grocery shop and she introduced me to RedHead, knowing very well that I had a special liking in redheads. I was still pretty much messed up, so I told my sister I didn't feel like partying.

While she tried to convince me that a party was exactly what I needed, she also told me that RedHead was seventeen years old, single and the niece to an old friend of mine. Although tempted, I felt that the fact that I still hadn't gotten over Tina, was too much to handle. If I had started to drink, I would most certainly brake down and do something stupid, like screwing a teenager for all the wrong reasons. I said thanks, but no thanks.

(RedHead later told me that she became very disappointed, since she instantly came to like me. I was one of the few guys she'd met, that didn't have a pot belly already in my mid-twenties. She also said that if I had snapped my fingers at her, she would've ripped her clothes off. Instead, after at that party, she got really drunk and went to bed with a guy that was in his 40's. I met this guy later and boy was he an ugly motherfucker, in more than one way.)

A few years later, in august 1989, I was helping my parents at the funfair, managing the Tilt-a-whirl when a redheaded young woman came up to me and asked if I remembered her. I had to confess that I didn't. To make a long story short we became a couple that evening. She had legs, an ass and a pair of firm tits that many women could kill for. For me, having lived in complete celibacy for a year, those were her main assets. And yes, from my view this was just going to be a sexual relationship. I had no intention, whatsoever, to make any efforts to make it last. I was still, after four years, very much in love with Tina. I actually told RedHead that she would have to work real hard to replace her. She told me she appreciated my honesty but she'd appreciate it even more if I didn't mention *that name* again.

RedHead wasn't a virgin but I soon found out that she wasn't experienced either. She had lost her virginity very early and since then been used and abused by many guys, both of her own age and way older. Much later I have understood that she essentially was looking for a father-figure. Her own biological father had probably sexually abused her earlier but I don't know how far it went, since she won't talk about it. As he died a couple of years ago she literally danced around for weeks. That's how much she hated him.

I was the first guy actually asking her if she was in the mood for sex. She told me that no one had ever done that, they had just taken her for granted. Essentially they used her as a sex-toy and she used them for some warmth that was non-existent. They didn't care about her, she was just easy prey. And although I was only looking for a sexual relationship, I just couldn't help not caring about other things besides the sex. I wasn't in love, but I cared about her.

Not only was I the first guy asking her if she was in the mood, I was also the first one who cared about her getting sexually satisfied. Now, RedHead didn't need much to peak. In fact, I was a bit surprised by how easy it was to make her come, using nothing else but my hands. Her breasts were tremendously sensitive and I made it a challenge to make her come without even touching her vagina. The odd thing was that she didn't like it all that much. She wanted to have her orgasm during intercourse, and preferably at the same time as I had mine. That, my friends, is a great way to shorten a relationship.

Compared to Tina, and other women I had dated, this was something I hadn't experienced before. Women are blessed with the ability of multiple orgasms and with Tina, I had made it to a challenge to almost make her pass out before we actually had intercourse. RedHead was the first one that didn't want multiple orgasms.

(I'm not trying to make myself look as a better lover than I am, I have my bad days too. I'm not going to claim that I can fuck for hours on end or several times in a row. I have managed twice in a row on rare occasions and that's it. The longest I've fucked someone on the same erection is three hours, with a lot of pauses for cuddling, and I was way younger then. The only odd thing about me is probably that I'm not the guy that rolls over and falls asleep. Instead, I feel more awake than usual afterwards.

For me, a woman's orgasm is a great turn-on. Not only does it give me a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction of a job well done, but it's also a way to make some of the pressure of performing well, during intercourse, to go away. Pressure in that sort of intimate situation is a mans worst enemy and in the end the females too. Sex is supposed to be fun, gratifying and satisfying, not some freakin' competion.)

The third thing that I was a first with, for RedHead, was oral sex. Giving that is. She had never experienced a man's mouth on her intimate parts. No one had ever kissed her labia, no one had ever sucked on her love button, no one had ever stuck his tongue in... You get the picture, don't you?

Anyway, she loved it... and she hated it.

This post is long enough, so I think I'll continue tomorrow or maybe Sunday night. Or Monday.


Francesca said...

Hey! No fair! I was looking forward to reading more! lol

Actually that wasn't so bad at all.

I do understand what you mean about the timing of the orgasm of your partner. I tend to prefer for the other person to cum first. It excites me to know I've given pleasure and excited the other person. Then again, there are times when I want us to cum together, but I think that happens more when I'm in a relationship (in love)...Sex is drastically different for me when I am with someone I love. I'm almost insatiable, then.

Maybe it's that way for lots of others, too...(???)

If your wife has experienced any sexual abuse, then that likely could affect her attitude to sex. Also, with women, in general, our sex drives can ebb and flow. As we become older and with the pressures of work and family, many of us are sometimes robbed of the desire for sex. However, for some that can change when in a particularly loving mood. Oftentimes, women respond particularly well to romance and lovey dovey stuff and, suddenly, you find them doing things they didn't do before because they are feeling so charged. Everyone is different, though.

Communication, understanding, and patience can work wonders sometimes. Perhaps, see if you can keep talking to her about what you each like.

Still, I know it is very challenging for many couples, regardless, to have mismatched sex drives or creativity in bed.

PissedOffPencil said...


I knew you'd think I was unfair, stopping abruptly like that. ;o)

And I'm fully aware of everything that you wrote in your comment, Francesca, but wait until you get the full story and then we can discuss differences between men and women and between women and women.

Francesca said...


Okay, Mr. Oral!

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Oh why did you stop???? I was really enjoying that! (no, not in that way!).

Continue. Soon!

ScandinavienNova said...

And where is part 2? ;-)

PissedOffPencil said...

Piggy or Tazzy: Of course you were enjoying it that way! ;o)

ScandinavianNova: You aren't really interested in this, are you? You already know more about me than most people... and you heard most of this story before. ;o)

Me said...

This is a very interesting post and story. Also well written. It gives insight to how women's sexuality is affected by all men who have previously touched them. It doesn't affect just our bodies but also our souls and minds. I think redhead prefers intercourse to anything else because she is scared of and not used to the kind of intimacy and closeness you want to offer her.

PissedOffPencil said...

Evangelia: Yes, ultimately I came to the same conclusion but there's still a lot to tell.