Friday, December 02, 2005

My marriage, part six

Disclaimer: The same as in the last part.

When I finally went home the night when LazyWorm was born, I was both mentally and physically exhausted. That I didn't crash the car on my way home was a small miracle. I only went out with the dog and then intended to undress and go to sleep for the first time in almost forty hours. I sat down on our bed to take off my socks and from that point on I don't remember anything until I woke up laying across the bed fully dressed. A quick cup of coffee, a quick walk with the dog and a quick shower later, I was feeling human enough to visit my new-born son and my girlfriend whom I now knew that I loved, after all the pain she had endured for me.

RedHead stayed at the very nice hospital hotel for three days, trying to come in terms with being a mother and I visited her every day, as did relatives and friends. On the evening the third day we were very politely asked to get our act together and leave the next morning. RedHead was fine, LazyWorm was fine and they really needed that bed since this was Sweden's biggest baby-boom after the late 1940's.

I stayed home on paternity leave the first ten days to take some of the load from RedHead's shoulders and spent most of my time walking around with LazyWorm and just admiring him. He was perfect in every last little detail. (How could he be anything else? My mother told me that he looked as if he was my very late born twin brother and that there was no way anyone could doubt that I was the father.)

Eventually reality made it's way back into our home. RedHead was afraid that LW didn't get enough milk from her and started to cry about the smallest things. I told her that she wouldn't be less of a mother if she gave him the bottle instead of breast feeding or alternating between the two. And, if she gave him the bottle I would be able to help her more during nights too. It took some persuasion but she finally realized I was right. She continued with breast feeding but if she felt that he hadn't eaten enough, she gave him the bottle too.

I continued with my work to sort out quality issues at the plant and it soon showed results. As soon as I came home I took care of LW, fed him, changed diapers and stuff, while RedHead took a shower or a well needed nap. This worked fine. Until LW got colic and we turned into zombies.

If you haven't had a baby with colic, you just don't get what it's like. My SIL, who's baby didn't have it, just couldn't understand what it was like to have a red-faced little monster screaming from the top of it's lungs, starting every night at about 22.00 and continuing until 02.00, sometimes even longer. She couldn't grasp the simple fact that nothing, absolutely NOTHING we did, would help poor LazyWorm, not even the medicine we got for him. This went on for at least three months. Every. Single. Night. Even my co-workers started to comment the black bags under my eyes and my sluggishness. For those three months, neither of us slept more than at the most four hours in a row. I felt sorry for RedHead when I worked nights but then again I took care of him when I worked afternoons.

LW's colic wasn't RedHead's only concern. About a month after his birth she started to cry out of the blue for no apparent reason and claiming I was soon going to leave her. I hugged her and asked how the hell she had gotten that idea?

-We haven't had sex in a month."
-So? You gave birth to a baby a month ago. They had to give you a couple of stitches too. Do you really think that I would be that kind of insensitive bastard?"
-Well, maybe not but... "
-You've given me the greatest gift a man can get from someone who loves him and you think I would leave you just because we haven't had sex in a while? I'm actually a bit offended by that."
-But what if I'm all messed up down there? What if it's become real ugly?"
-Trust me, you're not messed up and it still looks beautiful."
-How would you know?"
So I had to confess to her that I sometimes was watching her sleeping and that she, well, was lying in some very tempting positions sometimes.

-You're watching me sleep?"
-Yes, and you're beautiful."
-Don't you get horny?"
-Yes, but I can wait until you feel alright and ready for it."

Two weeks later we had the same discussion all over again. And two weeks after that. She really needed me to reassure her that I wasn't gonna leave because the lack of sex.

On the night of her 23rd birthday, almost six months after LW's birth, she asked me if I was interested in checking if her parts still were intact. She wasn't sure if we could have intercourse but she was willing to let me check things out. Let's say she didn't have to persuade me.

I haven't told this before but when I met RedHead she was what we in Sweden call bakmusad (rear-pussyed?). This means that her vagina was in such an angle that it was much more comfortable for me to fuck her doggy-style or with a pillow under her buttocks. To add to the "problem" she was severely curved inwards on the lower part of her back. Now I found out that this had changed after child birth. It seemed as if her vagina or possibly her back had moved to a "better" angle.

That first time we took it easy, using only hands and mouths to make each other climax. During the weeks that followed our sex life went almost back to normal but with much less noise.

I haven't told you about the dog we had but she deserves mentioning. Her name was Mindy and she was a crossbreed if I ever met one. German shepherd, Boxer, Rottweiller, Flat coated retriever and Golden retriever are those five I remember from the top of my head but there must have been at least six or seven more breeds in her. Anyway, the two last breeds were those that showed most. She was absolutely wonderful and tremendously patient with LazyWorm. He would be all over her and she treated him as if he was her baby. By holding on to her he managed to get around everywhere and we think that this "cooperation" was the main reason for LazyWorm starting to walk as early as a week before he was nine months old. That's pretty early, I've been told.

As things were settling down after that first sex, RedHead started taking the pill. However we soon discovered that she got sick by them, bleeding twice a month.. She tried out another pill with the same result and then she tried a third. They too sucked. We decided to use other means of contraception, i.e. condoms. Not only did they suck because of the hassle but we found out that we both were mildly allergic to rubber. We tried "plastic"-condoms but they never seemed to fit properly and at one occasion we both got sore. That hurts!

Since I , at that time, still was very good at controlling myself, RedHead suggested that we should use the ancient pull-it-out method. That worked like a charm. Until she was sitting on top and forgot to get off before I did. Once again we both "knew" that it was right on target. Exactly one year, six months and six days after LazyWorms birth, RedHead gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl, 2.900 g (6.39 lbs) and 51 cm (1.67 ft) long, today known as RazorTongue. That labour had the same amount of pain, threats and love as the previous but with the benefit of lasting for four hours only.

By that time we had moved back to our old neighbourhood and got married. I was doing well at work and I used what little spare time I had left to take care of the kids so that RedHead wouldn't feel trapped in the old housewife routine and encouraged her to work outside our home which she eventually did.

To be able to continue with my story I have to tell you some things about RedHead's personality too. One of the very first things I had noticed was that she was pretty narrow-minded. She hated immigrants. I reminded her of the fact that her Grandma was a refugee from a concentration camp every time she started ranting about "those damned immigrants". I reminded her that my father was an immigrant. I pointed out to her that her mother's boyfriend hardly could look the way he did (dark curly hair, brown eyes and a less than pink skin colour with lots of dark body hair) without having some immigrant blood in him. As we visited my parents at the funfair in a small village in southern Sweden, she realized that many of the people in that village were related to each other. Cousins had married cousins had married nieces and so on. On every intelligent person, there were four who hardly had learned how to read.

You might not believe me but it was that bad! I told RedHead that this probably was something that had been very common at the early 1900's as millions of Swedes left for the Americas. Those left behind had to get partners somewhere, didn't they? How about the cute little niece living next door? And paedophiles were nothing new to society. How many girls could have been sexually abused by their fathers, Grandfathers or even brothers and give birth to children that were both their siblings and their own offspring at the same time? Immigrants saved Sweden from becoming a nation of inbreeds.

Slowly she started to realize that an idiot was an idiot but an idiot not necessarily had to be an immigrant.

Another thing about her was her lack of hobbies. Most people have one or two things they like to do on their spare time. Some people bake, others knit or talk to their flowers, mend their gardens, wash their cars, study, surf the internet, bungyjump, fly kites, go to the theatre, visit museums, read novels, write poetry, paint with oils or build scale models of their country's railway network. RedHead's hobbies were drinking coffee, watch TV, chat with friends and read stupid love stories. You know, woman loves man, man loves another woman that's not the right one for him and who hurts him, first woman to the rescue, they live happily ever after. That kind of stories. The same story over and over but different places in time and space.

I tried hard to at make her interested in something else, art, museums, history, science, knitting, fixing cars, computers, writing, poetry, politics and even stamp collecting. Just something we could do together, except fucking and talk about the kids. Since I'm writing this you probably already guessed that I had no luck with my efforts.

I'm now at the bottom of the third page in Word and that's the limit I've set up, especially since I have to edit after pasting it on Blogger. Otherwise the posts would contain a lot of these:
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Part 7 will soon follow. Unless I get drunk.


Adam said...

Hey man,

just read the story of your marriage 'til part 6, it's really great to read such honest writing.
Just wanted to share that this "lack of hobbies" problem is something I encounter a lot and now I don't think twice about ending such a relationship after having tried numerous times making the other develop a personality.


Me said...

I know a lot of women like this and i also know a lot of men that have some hobbies but they are always the same! It's hard to find variety in people i guess.